I’m cold and sour sometimes; sometimes ostensibly fleecy like snow. Drowning sometimes under the veneer of memories while sometimes swaying over the ocean all alone. Sometimes I run away to defy these hollow conventions and then being pulled back again with my laborious soul.
I am starving severely for love at moments and sometimes crave for not being adored anymore. Sometimes preaching morality is my utmost desire and sometimes I’m cruelest the most.
I am neither good nor bad; I am lost somewhere in between. I am lost somewhere in between.
You might have pulled me out of your life,
Wiped out all the traces.
You might believe you put it to an end.
But here’s a new start
You don’t know!
You see new faces,
Your heart is refilled.
An infatuated, helpless, mesmerized heart
Deep, ardent, brined eyes
And you seek for a warmth soul
You search for a new home.
You search for a new me.
Humans are unpredictable, downright.
Tendered, loving and indulgent at a moment, ruthless, inconsiderate and unsparing same time. They are open books of blank pages, with nothing inscribed on them. The organized surprising species.
You cannot claim you know them, they are balls moving into diverse directions, following erratic patterns while formulating no shapes. Scary in all meanings, inconsistent in emotions, with no everlasting feelings.
Few words are not meant to be spoken, you just have to draw in and out like you’re breathing them, only felt but never heard.
Sitting on a wooden bench in a park looking all around, watching people busy in their own stuff, cheering, shouting, playing, loving, talking, enjoying and you continuously poking your mind into irrational judgments about persons like an idiot and wondering how they lie in a different situation than you? Comparing your life with theirs like a goof. Everyone is totally OK, except you and you incessantly asking yourself why? Why so.
Reverting to the old stories and letting the fears to take control and at this very moment you’re losing your faith, your hope and unknowingly yourself. This is the extremely lonely part of your journey. You need someone to speak with, not only for speaking or exchanging few words with, you also want to place your fears and expectations onto them. You want someone to hear you, to do what you want them to do for you, accomplishing your presumptions.
But this is the saddest part, you have people but not those you want or you have them but they’re not willing to hear or they are near but you’re so distant from their heart that they can’t hear the words you speak. At this instant expecting from them is not fair to them.
This is completely normal if they go crazy when you start speaking up for yourself. They’re human, not supposed to hear you or returning what you’ve done for them, and forcing is not gonna work in anyway.
Expecting from them can lead you to extensive damage so it is much better to keep it deep within you, within your Soul than to conveying it to others.