You might find me as fearless and selfish – because you see I do not get afraid of things you do. I don’t worry about if the sky will fall or the earth will burst into pieces? I do not pay attention to people you do? Why should I concern to these when I have my own plate in front of me? Fully embellished!
I have fears but they’re my own, hidden, melded under my skin and that your sightless eyes cannot see. I fear about letting things go that hurt me the most, I fear about falling for what I love, I fear to fight, I fear to cry, I fear to believe, I fear to be called stupid with no judgment skills, I fear to be heard and I fear to move on.
I have fears that scare me to death – but I have the courage, unflinching hope, deep humility and the resilience to live with these. And this do the magic, this makes me FEARLESS to you.
Real women are unique, passionate and graceful. More attracted towards respect and compassionate. They know how to be delicate, feeble and endure the pain. While being bold, valiant and brave same time. They love to be in love from head to toe, and they know how to be sour sometimes.
“Why do you write?” Somebody asked her.
“I do write because I cannot just speak, and believe this is the more expressive way to pour out what haunts me.”
“Oh I…” She murmured.
“These are not only words, these are the feelings wrapped into the letters, these are the longings that supplicate to be taken care and these are the traces for him to come and follow me. And I know – One day he would be able to reach it, one day he would get to know, how often & intensely I used to miss him. I write because I want him to feel all I feel, to hear what I never say and to go through all I have in my mind, continuously repeated.”
“I want him to have this all, at least once.”
What if I tell you I still fluster and think how would you be right now? What if I tell you I still buy cute little gifts and wonder would you like?
What if I tell you I still smile stupidly and talk to you back in my mind?
What if I tell you I still keep your photo in my phone and look when I am sad, tired or cannot fall asleep at nights? What if I tell you I still wander under the unclouded sky and desire to get you back?
What if I tell you I still love you and want for the rest of my life?
Humans are unpredictable, downright.
Tendered, loving and indulgent at a moment, ruthless, inconsiderate and unsparing same time. They are open books of blank pages, with nothing inscribed on them. The organized surprising species.
You cannot claim you know them, they are balls moving into diverse directions, following erratic patterns while formulating no shapes. Scary in all meanings, inconsistent in emotions, with no everlasting feelings.
Sometimes your thoughts to you seems blur. You could not even understand what you actually want. Life changes so immensely, and you’re unable to figure out how, when and what has been changed. It’s not because something must have happened in life, it’s because you’ve changed. You’re not the one you used to be one two three four or five years ago.You have changed into someone whose perspectives are different.
People and things that used to matter to you are no more of importance. You don’t even give a damn to them. Even your emotions are not same anymore, what you want now is not what you wanted four or five years ago. The glaring reality of life to you is changing everything dramatically, and you don’t wanna hold those things anymore to not let them go but it is hard to acclimate in this situation. You don’t want to lose them either you can’t have them.You just have to accept all the changes you’ve made that you have never ever predicted.
What is all this called? May be growing up.
But how strange is this, despite of all the changes in you it hurts, and wrenches your heart when you realize you’ve grown. You’ve grown enough to left behind some people who were part of your life yesterday. This feeling of growing too fast creates a gap in you and you’re put at a disconcerting fire of conflict .
Yet this is okay! Cause you’re living a life of bitter truths and this the deception of life.
Yes the “deception of Life”.