“Why do you write?” Somebody asked her.
“I do write because I cannot just speak, and believe this is the more expressive way to pour out what haunts me.”
“Oh I…” She murmured.
“These are not only words, these are the feelings wrapped into the letters, these are the longings that supplicate to be taken care and these are the traces for him to come and follow me. And I know – One day he would be able to reach it, one day he would get to know, how often & intensely I used to miss him. I write because I want him to feel all I feel, to hear what I never say and to go through all I have in my mind, continuously repeated.”
“I want him to have this all, at least once.”
What if I tell you I still fluster and think how would you be right now? What if I tell you I still buy cute little gifts and wonder would you like?
What if I tell you I still smile stupidly and talk to you back in my mind?
What if I tell you I still keep your photo in my phone and look when I am sad, tired or cannot fall asleep at nights? What if I tell you I still wander under the unclouded sky and desire to get you back?
What if I tell you I still love you and want for the rest of my life?
No I will never say I don’t love you.
Love does not come with packages, it has no specific form either. When I say “I love you” – I mean it. I say it from my heart that you can’t see, I say it from my soul that you can’t feel and I say it from all the desires that have been gathered in me, since long.
It’s you who left the path, it’s you who turned back from the way and it’s you who lacks the courage to stay.
But I will be there, there for you.
I will be there when your heart will be broken and things will not go right. When you will be sitting in the dark bare sky and craving for affection. When you will be turned to a pathetic mess, unrecognizable and would become completely deplorable.
Then, my thunderous Love will come and will swirl around you. It will hold you tight until you feel warm and start melting. It will touch the inner you, and will start filling the echoing, empty, hollow soul of you.
You might have pulled me out of your life,
Wiped out all the traces.
You might believe you put it to an end.
But here’s a new start
You don’t know!
You see new faces,
Your heart is refilled.
An infatuated, helpless, mesmerized heart
Deep, ardent, brined eyes
And you seek for a warmth soul
You search for a new home.
You search for a new me.
There is no way to go back and erase everything being craved in the back of the page.
No way honey !
Do not hurt yourself, there is no way. Just sit, breathe deeply and realize what’s gone is gone. Rue is not an option, not at all. Do not keep bringing it up. This is not going to come again, do not put yourself on discomfort. Just forgive yourself , just forget it.
For heaven’ sake, forgive yourself. Set yourself free, set yourself free.
Humans are unpredictable, downright.
Tendered, loving and indulgent at a moment, ruthless, inconsiderate and unsparing same time. They are open books of blank pages, with nothing inscribed on them. The organized surprising species.
You cannot claim you know them, they are balls moving into diverse directions, following erratic patterns while formulating no shapes. Scary in all meanings, inconsistent in emotions, with no everlasting feelings.